Response to SIG
Posted as a response on SIG discussing body imagery and self:
I was asked to keep a food diary and talk to the health & fitness tutor once a fortnight when I was weighed in. My mum helped me keep a food planner. Each week on a Sunday we’d plan my meals every day for the next week over the phone following the ‘Diet for Dancers’ regime of healthy eating. My problem really was not weight. I have a very muscular physique so low body fat and of course my shape – I have curves!
I have tried to open up my line of questioning around the ethics of teaching methods – see my recent blogs over the last couple of days – lots of interesting questions around genetics and how this effects our shape and the ‘teaching by terror’ regime.
I know weight is an issue that seems common amongst dancers but I am interested in the whole body imagery issue and how negative feedback about any aspect of our self can be damaging to self esteem and confidence. What about dancers with racial or disability prejudice? Has any one experienced this ?
I suffered from comments from other students as well as tutors.
For example at my college it was always the same few people who were picked to represent the college at outside events – open days/Move It etc and on one occasion after checking the notice board and commenting that my name wasn’t there again, I was told, “Oh they only pick the attractive people!” So you go home and obsess some more - you’re not only too big but you’re ugly as well!
I often felt I was not worthy. If you didn’t have legs like so and so you were not attractive, if you didn’t have a six pack like so and so etc etc etc and on it went day after day and the constant comments affect your self esteem and confidence. Tutors would say – isn’t so and so beautiful – Emily you need to look more like so and so! Well baby my genetics and body shape and height say otherwise!!! They always implied these would be the ones who got work and such as me would be left behind – this actually in reality has not been the case!
I don’t think people realise just how damaging the affects can be. It is a form of bullying! I want to use my experiences in my professional practice to try and help others who may feel as I did. I often felt alone and ashamed and it was only the support from my Mum that kept me ‘in the game’.
Another example is I was constantly at war it seemed with the ballet faculty. They would not allow girls to wear bras under their leotards but the regulation college uniform leotards did not have in-built support and someone like me with boobs needs support. I even went out and bought a navy leotard which I hoped they wouldn’t notice was not uniform, that had in built support but if they noticed ( which they frequently did) I was in trouble for that too. Ballet which had been the love of my life for years became a nightmare and I dreaded the lessons. If I tried to explain I was told I had attitude problems. I was in a no win situation and I was very miserable. No one it seemed understood and I got no support (pardon the pun!) People can be so narrow minded!
So I would love you to share your experiences as I consider the ethics behind the teaching and coaching methods and how this links into dance science as I try to develop a question for my inquiry. Please read my blogs and get posting some discussions.
And what about you guys out there? I know these issues are not strictly confined to girls. Many negative and humiliating comments were made to the guys at my college too – about muscles, pecks etc and stamina. I know a friend who auditioned for ‘Priscilla’ and the first requirement was to take your kit off to your underpants to see body shape and ripples.
A friend of mine left college and deferred for 2 years to combat an eating disorder. Fortunately he is now well and is back at college to complete his training. So come on guys give us the benefit of your experiences to add to the debate.
Some would argue it’s only in our best interests, preparing us for the professional world – what do you think?
When I first started reading all the blogs about dancers' body issues I thought 'God, that sounds awful. I'm glad my college wasn't like that.' Thinking about t more and more though I have realised it totally was like that. I remember one girl being told that anorexia was a disease and she should catch it. I mean what a horrendous thing to say!!!! At the time I don't think it even really registered. I probably even laughed. I remember being told once by my first year jazz teach that she didn't even want to touch me because she might break me. That could have made me completely paranoid about being too skinny. It didn't but it could have.
ReplyDeleteI wonder whether the teachers are really taking the time to think about what they say and assess how a comment will affect a particular student. We all take things differently and surely it is the job of the teacher to know how things will affect the student. I think if the teacher is unsure (and really how well do we ever know what others are thinking in private) then he/she should not say it.
There is a fine line between making sure people are fit and ready for this industry and destroying their confidence and motivation. The business
is hard and cut throat but in my experience the people who go on to do well in the long run are the ones who have the guts to fight for it. It never has anything to do with body type or anything else. It is about perseverance and think the people who are best equipt to do this are surely the ones who believe in themselves.
All these conversations have really made me think about the way I teach and what is important when teaching musical theatre (which is what my inquiry is about). I think a teacher should always remind themselves of the power they hold in their hands and should use it wisely.
I completely agree that teachers at colleges should be a lot more careful about what they say! Comments about weight can be extremely hurtful and can stay with you. I understand that in your experience Emily that it was both teachers and fellow students whose comments made you feel very insecure but the fact is those students thought it was OK to say those things because the teachers were doing it too. Teachers are the authoritative voice here and should know better!
ReplyDeleteAlso, like yourself Mark I was never personally victimized with regard to my weight at college. I suffered the odd comment from time to time but nothing serious. And I have to say when other students had comments made to them I just looked at it as part of life at college. Now I see it for what it is which is something which can be very destructive and detrimental to a dancers mental and physical health.
As for teacher making the 'I'm just setting you up for the future' excuse I'm not too sure what I think of that. Granted being in good physical shape is an important part of getting employed and thus colleges should encourage healthy eating etc but teachers should not make students feel fat and therefore unemployable. How counter productive is that?