If you don't take control of your social presence, someone else will

Norman kindly posted me a comment and a link to Stephies blog to try and help me format my CV now in PDF format into my blog.

I’ve left a comment on her blog as I found her comments about cyber bullying among children thought provoking so I thought I’d progress that debate further as cyber bullying is not just restricted to children but is perpetrated by teens and adults too in the form of cyber stalking or cyber harassment.

Still being able to put myself in the category “teen” I have seen many personal examples of cyber bullying, stalking and harassment over the last couple of years as social networking sites, Facebook in particular, have developed and taken over our way of life and the results for the victims can be anything from acute embarrassment to devastating. As I have already said in my last blog I have been the victim of bullying and so it is a subject close to my heart as I know how the victim feels.

It is a fact that we all want to fit in and succeed  in being “normal” and how much pressure is on us these days in these virtual places -  there is this obligation that you’ll be on “ Facebook”, that you’ll be social, even in your house at any time of the day and that’s a lot of pressure. But what is ‘normal’?

It’s a fact of our times that people act out fantasies on line pretending to be someone or something else and these can include harmful or violent fantasies. Hiding behind a computer can give even the shyest or quietest person a new confidence to say things they would not face to face [ie: they hide behind the technology!!!]

The internet is full of predators from paedophiles targeting children to serial bullies targeting anyone else and those who steel identities [ie: identify fraud] and we all become at risk both in our personal and professional lives.
 
Blogs are a real fun way for us to communicate with a global audience and form contacts but we must be constantly aware that some will use these blogs to damage reputations, criticise, hurt, embarrass or invade privacy. And so while we must embrace the tools at our disposal to promote ourselves in a professional capacity we must also be wary and make sure we use it wisely and build in as many safeguards to abuse as is possible!

It is always advisable to set profiles to private so that only friends can view all information, photographs and posts - this of course depends on who you accept as your friends as you can aways decline people you don't know or trust and you can delete and block a 'friends' profile if they cause you concern or you feel pressured or harrassed. You individually control this!

One example is a friend of mine split up with her boyfriend who posted blogs about her blaming her for things and openly discussing the relationship. Mutual friends read the comments and started to criticise her, having their own opinions even though it is none of their business - it makes them believe they are a part of it. This was very hurtful and embarrassing to her as the comments were very private and personal. Relationships are publically posted and recorded on sites like Facebook and Twitter, in the virtual world "nothing is official until it's posted on Facebook" and other people are left to comment freely on their status'.
 
Another example:  a student at college was told by the principal he could not take part in the graduation show as he wanted to take a professional job that meant he would miss 2 performances.  He thought the decision was unreasonable as he could make the other 4 performances. Students began to post messages of support on Facebook and criticising the college’s decision, this then led to a campaign to challenge the principal and you were “polled” as to which camp you were going support either team student or team college. The whole thing got out of hand as a small minority saw it as an opportunity to damage certain individuals and the college’s credibility. If like me you sat on the fence and didn’t get involved you were criticised as a “traitor” to some of the students.

This is an example of how “Flame posts” initiate a reaction.

It seems the most recent trend at the moment is for people to post “polling” blogs eg: “Who’s hot, who’s not?” Sometimes these are personalised. These can be quite hurtful and embarrassing especially when people respond with negative comments. The questions can often be offensive and it gives the opportunity for others to “bully” on line.

This is an example of the type of thing that regularly appears on Facebook, this one appeared on mine this week from someone who I don’t know. 

Stinger Mc just answered a question about Emily Rose

Stinger Mc is answering questions about their friends. Here are some other questions other people may have answered about Emily Rose.

1:Do you think Emily Rose has ever watched porn?

2:Do you think Emily Rose would ever betray you?

3:Do you think Emily Rose is ugly?

4:Do you think Emily Rose has ever lied to avoid a date?

5:Do you think Emily Rose has ever had a crush on you?

Cyber bullying is often motivated by anger, revenge, envy or frustration and sometimes for entertainment due to boredom or for attention to get a reaction or a laugh. Some people are power hungry and do it to torment others or for their ego. Bullies often find they enjoy being the tough guy or gal and the social standing it brings them as they consider themselves popular. The dangerous ones get a perverse sense of satisfaction out of provoking a reaction or causing someone else embarrassment or pain. Some don’t realise the effect it is having on the victim and think it was just for a laugh.

Often it can be just that you’re left out of the loop and feel lonely and rejected; eg: everyone in the class is invited out for someone’s birthday but you’re not included !!! It maybe that they just forgot you by accident or it was done deliberately to make you feel isolated.

Bullies give false criticism or patronising sarcasm; they fabricate or distort the truth and give negative and harmful information and comments. In severe cases they may even give out addresses and telephone numbers or personal details. Some even pose as the victim and post provocative messages or threats to incite responses and imply they have said nasty things or shared secrets.

A friend of mine went out with a group for a night out and rarely for her she got rather drunk. She was filmed on someone’s mobile phone rather worse for wear and this was posted on “You tube”. She was extremely embarrassed by the whole thing and wasn’t allowed to forget the incident wherever she went for months. Last week she met an old acquaintance at a work event who proudly told her at a dinner the week before she’d been shown the footage – it was over a year ago now since the event but the person had kept the film on a phone and was still showing the clip to get a cheap laugh on my friends account. So now she’s going through all the embarrassment a second time round as that person had gone and told another circle of friends who all wanted to see the clip. She feels she will never be able to live it down but this is the cheap kick people get at someone else’s expense not realising how hurtful it is to the victim.

There is no hiding with these sites! A little bit like celebrities and the paparazzi who have pictures plastered all over the media. And this is not what these websites were created for...... 'They were created for people to connect, communicate and stay in touch with their friends'.

 

Victims of any form of bullying have lower self esteem and suffer varying emotional responses. They can become scared, frustrated, angry, withdrawn, lonely, depressed or at worst suicidal.

So how can this affect us in our professional lives? Of course if casting agents, prospective clients, customers, employers have access to all of our information it forms an opinion of us as people and that could give the wrong impression we are trying to create. We are all only human and we form opinions on what we read and see. We have then to learn to manage these connections, use them in powerful ways, and protect ourselves whilst allowing us to be social where we need to be.
I suppose Facebook should be our “Social You” and our blog should become our “Professional You”. I think it’s about learning where to draw the line and how to manage both and obviously sometimes they’ll overlap.

The professional blog is where we mould who we are, what we are interested in and where we want to go. The ‘You’ we want agencies, casting directors & employers to know about. We all need to take control of our presence because somewhere, some time, somebody is going to Google us or do a Facebook search for us and what are they going to find?