Journal writing experience - comments on Stephies blog


I have been reading other peoples blogs to find out their thoughts and feelings on the reflective writing task and I wanted to comment on Stephie’s entries of  30^th October and 1^st November because I could empathise with a lot of her thoughts and feelings.

Unlike Stephie I don’t work in education but I do dance and musical theatre workshops for school groups, community groups, dance groups and theatre groups. This means I am given a task and I prepare a 2 hour workshop around that requirement, this can be pure dance or more often musical theatre. I probably do maybe 2 or 3 a month at most so I am not in this situation on a daily basis like Stephie.

The difference I think with my groups is they are usually small (max 20 students) and the students are usually interested in the subject and have a background in performing arts because they want to go on to higher education or vocational studies in that field so I don’t face a lot of resistance to what I want to do with them, usually quite the opposite. I usually don’t have a discipline problem and the students participate and work hard.

However reading Stephie’s blog about the discipline issues she is facing and how she is trying to deal with them made me think about an evening only a few weeks ago when I faced a very similar issue. Like Stephie I wrote about it in my reflective journal.

 I was asked by the artistic director of a local theatre company to do a workshop based on the Wiz which is a 70’s re write of The Wizard of Oz so they could use the choreography for their up and coming pantomime in December. This is a theatre company for young adults age 14 to 21. The song they wanted me to work on was “Ease on Down the Road”, a very 70’s style, funky, up-beat ensemble number. I was given no pre requisites or boundaries to work within. The email merely said full ensemble and principals, needs to be lively and full of energy. I spent several hours over 2 evenings preparing the workshop. I have worked with the group many times before so I know their capabilities and they are usually good at participating and working hard and usually we have a lot of fun choreographing a number. I know they like to try new things and like “street” style so I made the number quite cheesy 70’s funky with an urban/street feel to it. I really liked it and thought they’d rise to the challenge and enjoy it too.   

No problems I thought till I met the boy who was playing the Tin Man. This is someone who is 20 years old and has been doing musical theatre with various theatre groups since he was 11 years old and is a major player of principal parts for the company. I’ve never encountered him before at one of my workshops.

His behaviour towards me from the beginning of the evening was disrespectful and very rude and he made it obvious he had no intentions of ever trying to join in the workshop whatsoever. He didn’t join in my warm up, just disappeared from the room. I suppose this on reflection should have set alarm bells ringing but I didn’t really think it was anything out of the ordinary at the time. A lot of boys usually try to get out of doing the warm up.

I had only started the first 4 bars of the number, he stood in the middle of the room, arms folded, saying, “I’m not doing that it’s stupid”. He wouldn’t make eye contact with me when I tried to speak to him about it and walked off to the back of the room, sat with his back to me, hands over his ears and read his script. When I approached him or asked him to take his place in the piece he ignored me and just left the room.

The tension in the room was unnerving and uncomfortable, everyone was looking around unsure what to say or do and how to deal with the situation and, I think, wondering how I was going to deal with it. Others tried to encourage him to participate but he just refused saying it made him look stupid. His attitude was aggressive and confrontational as if he were challenging me.


I explained the characterisation of the Wizard of Oz to the group that it is fun and energetic and the characters are fantasy, only Dorothy is a real person, and so they could all let their hair down and have fun with the piece, after all it was going into panto. To the main characters I explained that if they had a problem or were struggling with any of the choreography it would look perfectly acceptable if they characterised it as the Scarecrow, Lion or Tin Man. For example: I explained it would be ok for the Tin Man to look stiff and awkward so long as he took part in the piece and got the basic direction of the movement and I would go over the moves slowly with him in the break. I explained I would be appointing a dance captain who would rehearse it with them each week and then I’d come nearer the performance date to re look at it and polish. I thought if I explained this it would connect with him, make him more relaxed and encourage him to join in. He never even made eye contact with me while I spoke, he looked at the floor arms folded and then walked off muttering it was stupid.

He waited for me to re start the rehearsal again and disappeared from the room. When he reappeared I suggested he might like to sit and watch the routine first so he could get a feel for it and then try it later, he just looked at the floor and the next I knew he’d disappeared again.   

This was making me feel really angry and frustrated and quite upset. I hate rudeness.
Like Stephie I am quite petite, only 5ft 3ins and light weight so I wondered if he felt he could intimidate me and belittle me, especially as I am also younger than he is. I also felt I didn’t have the authority to actually do anything about his behaviour but it was unnerving everybody and spoiling the enjoyment of the rehearsal. I’ve also got very little experience of dealing with such a situation and I wondered if he’d sensed that. I wasn’t sure I had the confidence to deal with his reaction if I challenged his behaviour. I wasn’t sure what he’d do.

I tried to think if I’d ever witnessed this situation before and how one of my tutors might have dealt with it, but at Bird everyone was there because they have a passion for dance and musical theatre and want to be there so bad behaviour to a tutor was just a no go and the classes I go to these days as a professional dancer we’re all paying to be there to keep up our technique, fitness and stamina so it’s not an issue there either.

 I decided to ignore the behaviour and carry on with the rehearsal as planned. I thought I would speak to the artistic director afterwards as the Tin Man is supposed to be a central character in the number according to the script and I had placed him central with Dorothy, the Scarecrow and Lion and if he wasn’t going to be included the whole number would have to be re thought and spaced. I couldn’t myself see how the number worked with one of the central characters missing but this would be the artistic director’s decision. The Tin Man obviously had some issues but I just could not understand his rudeness and bad manners and however I tried to engage with him he wouldn’t respond to me. I also didn’t have time to waste on him when the rest of the cast were there. One of the cast said to me, “he’s always like this if he doesn’t want to do something he just won’t”. That wound me up even more. I’ve always usually been able to build up a rapport with dance students and a mutual respect but this boy was beyond my capabilities to communicate with. I felt he had a strong resentment towards me.

However I carried on and choreographed the number and was really pleased with the efforts of the others and how it was shaping up. The Tin Man kept appearing here and there to make derogatory comments about the choreography which always involved the word “stupid”, a look of total disgust in my direction and then a quick exit from the room. I’ve never had someone be so disrespectful at any other class or workshop I’ve taken and I’ve never actually witnessed such bad behaviour at any class I’ve attended. He really was starting to get to me.

After the 2 hours I asked the artistic director to come and watch to see what he thought. He really liked the piece, it obviously needed lots more rehearsal but the basics were in place and looked good.

So I said “right let’s put an ending position on the piece. Where are my four principal players for the centre”.The artistic director said “Oh, the Tin Man has left and gone home. He doesn’t do dance”

At this point I called the Tin Man a name under my breath but obviously audible enough for the artistic director to hear and the other principal players. I knew as soon as I’d said it the mistake I’d made but I was so frustrated and annoyed I could‘ve screamed  - it was just a human reaction, before I could engage my brain I’d said it. I didn’t need to reflect on my actions it was instant “reflection – in – action”, I’d let him get to me and lost my professionalism for a split second after 2 hours of rudeness and bad manners and I was really angry at myself and embarrassed because he’d won and ground me down. That was no excuse. I should’ve waited till I got in the car and screamed and shouted my frustrations then.

The reaction in the room was also immediate; it was like a Mexican wave that I’d started with my one flippant comment which carried on all around the room.
One card starts to rock and it’s only moments before the whole house of cards comes tumbling down. Everyone’s emotions and frustrations boiled over and the artistic director had to deal with a barrage of obvious pent up feelings that had surfaced following my remark. I immediately apologised to everyone in the room and explained I have never had to deal with such rudeness before, I was so sorry I reacted to it and I felt very embarrassed by my behaviour. However it had given the rest of the cast an opening to raise and discuss issues with the artistic director they must have felt strongly about for weeks and weeks. That still did not exonerate my behaviour.

I discussed the event with the artistic director when everyone had left and explained I would never expect to have to deal with such behaviour again and that I expect a certain level of behaviour and respect from everyone when taking the group, as everyone should have mutual respect for each other, and me for them. Apparently this boy does have attention issues and this type of behaviour is the normal pattern for him if he is asked to do anything outside of his comfort zone. Movement and Dance being the top of his “uncomfortable zone”. He is dyslexic and therefore says he has trouble learning and retaining things quickly and he had told the director before he left that my choreography was making him look and feel stupid. I said I should have been pre warned of this before the rehearsal began so I could have prepared myself and decide how to deal with his behaviour. I also decided that despite my young age and inexperience I need to take control at the outset and not let a situation develop. Even though I thought I was dealing with it by ignoring it I obviously wasn’t as I did eventually react which had a knock on effect to the whole group and it gave him the wrong impression as it gave him the message his behaviour was acceptable. I think on reflection that it was my responsibility as leader of the workshop to control it and deal with any issues as they happened and not presume someone else would pick up on them later.

The behavioural monitoring system that is used in Stephie’s school sounds a good way of ensuring all the teachers are aware of possible incidences and “trouble spots”. I don’t think this could work in a theatre group environment but I think the artistic director should take responsibility for informing outsiders who come to take classes, workshops, rehearsals of any known problems or individuals who may have issues. I also think he should not let any member of the company continually disrupt the group with perpetual bad manners and have a code of conduct that he expects from all members of the company. It’s like ripples on a pond they start out so small and insignificant but end up out of control and I think this is what has happened with this particular individual.

I agree with Stephie that reflecting on the events of that evening in my journal helped me, firstly get it all off my chest and by writing it down it had a sort of cleansing effect. Most importantly I was able to identify the issues, my thoughts and feelings and come up with a plan for how I would deal with a similar situation next time if it arose again.

I looked at the events from the perspective of the Tin Man, how he must have loathed my enthusiasm and energy for the choreography. How he felt threatened because of his insecurities when faced with something he’s not comfortable with and his resentment of me because I do the thing he most hates – dance. But like Stephie whichever way I reflected I could not condone his rudeness and bad manners. However he was feeling could have been resolved through talking about it and discussing ways to get around his problems and I could have dealt with the situation better had I been pre-warned.

 Unlike Stephie I went to a state school and so I have witnessed kids in school like she describes in her blog and as she says these kids are normally in a minority. I was always taught there is no excuse for bad manners and we should all give each other equal respect as human beings and I feel very strongly about Anti Social Behaviour when and wherever it occurs and how it should be tackled not only in schools but everywhere. Most bad behaviour comes from a need to get attention and when a person doesn’t get attention any attention will do even if that’s bad attention.

I think Stephie’s description of a “healthy fear” of her tutors is perhaps not fear but more “respect” for their position of authority. I too knew teachers at my school and certainly my dance teacher, Miss Julie, whom no one would have misbehaved like that in their class. I don’t think this is fear as they all were nice people and didn’t reign with a hand of iron and terror you just “knew” and respected their position.

 I think Stephie’s feelings of anger and frustration are only normal and are quite right for her to feel. None of us are infallible, we’re only human and we all make mistakes and have our own feelings which are going to have a breaking point.  It’s how we decide to move on from that bad experience and learn from it that matters. By analysing and discussing our experiences we can become better professionals.  

 I reflected on my particular experience for several days because it had such an impact on me but I have learned a lot from the experience and I think I would handle the same situation much more effectively next time. I have made myself a strategy to follow if I’m faced with a bad behaved person again and I think I would be aware of a developing situation much quicker. I need to be more assertive in my role leading the group in a session and stamp my authority early on to make sure all participants know my boundaries on behaviour. I have always been taught and believe respect does not come with a position, you have to earn it and I think by making sure your participants understand you, you can start to earn that respect.

I don’t think, as is quite widely believed by these students with behavioural problems, that teachers or anyone for that matter should have to put up with that kind of behaviour. I think systems can be put in place to try and support the teacher and to ensure they have the correct knowledge to be prepared and deal with a situation when it arises. I also think we should have the courage as individuals to be prepared to let others know the standards we expect. Of course there is always going to be “naughty” kids they’ve been around forever but at least we may not struggle to deal with them if we continuously learn from each experience we encounter along the way. This knowledge and understanding of ourselves will be essential as such as myself and Stephie have a long way to go in our careers and we have not yet experienced all the “bad days” – there’s definitely going to be many more to come!!!

References:

Reflective practices - A Reader compiled by Adesola Akinleye (2010)

S Montgomery - Reflective Journal Blog (2010) -

http://stephiemonty.blogspot.com/2010/10/reflective-journal.html