Reflective writing task and how i became a "poof"


I have been researching the art of reflective writing with the material supplied by Adesola and further research of these methods via the internet.

I realised very early on when reading the research material that I think most of us do this as a matter of course in our daily lives but we don’t always formalise this by writing it in a journal or blog or thinking of it in terms such as “reflective learning”. We do it somewhere in our subconscious. By doing this course we are encouraged to think about it as a more “conscious” activity and we become more aware and more observant.

We all do reflect on our experiences, we look back at what has happened
(good and bad) but don’t realise how this is helping us to learn and develop or to change our attitudes towards certain things.

How many of us have sat on a train or bus reflecting on our day: what went well and what went not so well? How some experiences we have had has changed our way of thinking or we’ve decided if we were faced with that experience again we may deal with it differently? I think most of us! I know I have many times!

So I think what this is saying to us is; practical experience is important and reflection on that experience helps us to learn from our experiences.

By promoting “reflection” through this course it does make me think more about the processes related to my own life experiences and provide new areas to debate and discuss with others via the blog. I also think reflective writing does help us to put things into perspective and gives us chance to develop through feedback from others. It helps us explore our feelings and work through difficult or painful experiences and identify aspects of an experience we can use in other situations.

I am also finding I have rediscovered my love of writing. Always an enthusiastic student at English with the knack of being able to tell a “gud ‘en”, as we say in my part of the world, I am enjoying the creative and flexible writing about my experiences and hopefully I am learning along the way ! Keeping a reflective journal to reveal my inner thoughts and opinions means I can be very open and honest and it is therapeutic as I discover things about myself I haven’t thought about before.

According to the text books, “Reflective writing  is developing my data recording skills, improving my observational practice, and developing my analytical skills to enhance my ability to argue convincingly. Having a clearer idea of who you are as a person and as a professional highlights your strengths and areas of challenge. You gain a better idea of the direction you are headed in, how and when to change course, and what you need to reach your destinations.
Analysing life experiences and choices provides the foundation for future learning. Developing the ability to think critically enhances academic writing and presentations. As an independent learner, the reflective person has the advantage of being able to cultivate these skills by taking responsibility for their disappointments and seeking ways to enhance their professional competence”.

I am writing in first person (i.e., using “I” and “myself” statements) and it’s fun to search  for references that back up my claims, it really has brought home to me that my interpretation of life was not brought about in a vacuum. I am thinking outside the box!!

I realise that I think I have already been “reflectively writing” my blog entries without really thinking about it in such a formal way. I like to give my blog entries an interesting title to try and grab the reader’s attention, I try to make them “generalizable” to human thoughts and feelings, give my opinion and viewpoint and conclude with an outward looking question to try and initiate a response/a reaction from the reader. Sounds really technical and literary advanced doesn’t it ? I’ve not analysed it before in formal terms!? I’ve just done it without thinking !!!

I definitely think we can all learn from comparing and sharing similar experiences by discussing how an experience affects us and how an experience changes the way we think about something and how we use those experiences to learn and develop and this should hopefully promote our professional development.

So using the frameworks from Reid and Moon – I have tried a reflective writing blog re my audition experience to become a “poof”. Moon wrote about learning journals and I have used an extract from my journal to reflect below to note down and record my active thoughts. Perhaps someone can give me feedback on whether using a formulated structure has improved the writing from my previous blogs or is there no real difference? Feel free to comment !

How I became a”Poof” !

My first west end role and I’m one of Snow White’s Seven “poofs” ! Yes you read it right – I’m playing the role of “Fag Hag, a poof”.

Not exactly PC is it but then this is no ordinary panto? As the flyer and the website say; “please note this is an adults only pantomine and definitely not suitable for children, the faint hearted and persons of a prudish nature”.
Not one to invite my Grandad to then and not exactly what my grandma would have approved of !?

So how did it all happen?
 I was contacted by the agency Spotlight to see if I was interested in applying for a role in “Snow White and the Seven Poofs” which would be playing at the Leicester Square Theatre from 1^st December 2010 – 9^th January 2011. Of course as I am currently unemployed I apply for anything and everything and sent my profile picture and CV off to the director and waited to hear.
I thought this would be a good opportunity to work in a west end theatre with professional artistes, it would be good for my CV and would get me seen by directors, casting agents and agencies  and it would be good fun over the Christmas period to be actually performing again.  After all Panto at Christmas is tradition, like turkey and mince pies !?

This was fringe work, in a small theatre for very little pay but a good way of networking and getting my face known – the theatre is in the west end and you never know what that might lead to whilst I am waiting for my cruise contract or something else to happen.  I would be working alongside some of the capitals most famous drag idols in adult panto. The company had a very successful run last year with “Sinderfella”.

I have done local panto for many years as a featured dancer and played small roles but this would be something completely different. I would also be back in London and in the right place for any other auditions coming up. I remember a tutor at Bird telling my group never to turn down or underestimate the value of fringe work.

Simon the producer rang me several times to offer me an audition and seemed really keen as he was searching for a blonde dancer – no worries there then, I satisfy both those criteria. The advert mentioned the word “androgynous”( which I admit I had to look up in the dictionary) this is where a person is neither clearly masculine or feminine in appearance,  so that would be quite a challenge, playing a man. I don’t consider I have the figure or appearance of a man, I am quite womanly curvy but he had seen my profile pictures on Spotlight and would know that I figured.

 I travelled down to London to meet him and attend the audition. I felt really good about the whole thing. It was going to be a challenge but I felt he seemed really interested in me and that gives you a boost of confidence almost immediately.
I felt a little apprehensive waiting for the train, I’d been away from London for 3 months now but stepping off the train at Kings Cross I felt a burst of energy. Just being back in the capital again gave me a buzz and I felt alive and sort of “home” in a strange way.

My parents home in Yorkshire is my birth place and will always be special, real “home”, the place I go to rest and relax, see my family and friends and be the “real” me but London for me is the place where everything is happening in the world of dance and theatre and even just a few weeks away makes you ready to return to the buzz of the west end. It’s the smell of the greasepaint I expect?

 I met the producer in a very confident, happy mood and we chatted over coffee for a while before the auditions began.  He told me a lot about himself and the production and he seemed really nice and easy to get on with and he made me feel really relaxed and I was suddenly very enthusiastic about the job.

The other auditionees arrived and we prepared to start the auditions. We met the choreographer and we learnt a dance routine to “Bad Romance” by Lady GAGA.The  other girl auditioning said I would be ok because I looked like Lady Gaga. I don’t know if that was meant as a compliment or not but it’s not the first time I’ve been told that actually. I don’t think I do but I’m not too sure but I can certainly strut like her so I gave it my best “Gaga”. My training has taught me to focus on the intricate details of the choreography and always listen carefully what the choreographer asks of you.

As there were two boys and two girls (the others didn’t show) we had to play around with partnerships as the director wanted to see what the chemistry was like between the couples. The routine was short and sweet but it contained a double/triple pirouette and a sideward kick so the choreographer could see basic technique. The director was very keen on characterisation and performance and gave us ideas on how to develop and create a character in the short space of time. He particularly liked my northern accent and asked me to play it really rough – I presume a “poof” in this production with a very broad Yorkshire accent would be quite funny and quite different to everyone else!! 

 I was then paired with a guy named Ashley and we did a dance to Peter Kay’s, “Once Upon  A Christmas Song”, a rather camp, cheesy version was the requirement  so I put on my cheesiest grin and  tried my best to be “camp”. We seemed to get the right chemistry going between us and the comedy worked well. The idea was that we were to create a comedic duo on the spot and were able to work with each other well within a short space of time as the rehearsal period for the show is only 10 sessions!  This one we only got to perform once so I had to perform my best straight off as I wouldn’t be given another chance. This was something I was taught at college – always perform the first time like it’s your last, it may be the only chance you get !

It all seemed to go well and I remember I felt very confident and relaxed. Ashley was a real nice guy and we clicked almost immediately as partners and we were able to make our audience laugh. It was all very spontaneous and exciting. I still was a little concerned about the “androgynous” bit as I don’t really have a boyish or manly figure but I tried to focus on the partnership we were creating and the direction Simon was giving and hoping I wasn’t too feminine and we were getting laughs so I suppose that part was working.

I must say when I finish auditions I can’t always remember what happened in any great detail. I focus that hard during the audition and the adrenalin’s pumping so much that I’m always mentally and physically drained afterwards. At college we were taught to evaluate auditions and reflect on what went well and what went not so well but my head’s always a shed when I’ve finished. Of course each one is different and you always learn something from each one about yourself but you can never rely on anything being the same at any one, basically the secret I’ve found is to be prepared for anything and just try to concentrate on myself and be myself, focus on the details of the choreography and the directions given. I find I suddenly start the “post mortem” many hours afterwards when I’ve “come down” from the high and depending on the result this decides whether I feel positive or negative about myself.

Auditions are a flawed system, often subjective rather than objective. There isn't another employment process in the world that interviews hundreds of people at once, and half-way through, informs most (in the presence of each other) that they haven't been chosen and are excused or as in the business we say, “cut”. It's a tough experience and very brutal but until a better system comes along, I suppose we must make the best use of the one we've got and accept it, flaws and all.
Auditions give us valuable information about ourselves. We learn to accept that not being chosen is a permanent part of the process and we're not always going to be on the favourable end of it. They show us our strengths and our weaknesses and areas where we need to improve.
Hopefully, we view all as opportunities and experiences to learn from or we become really cynical and depressed. I have witnessed the only girl in the audition who can’t learn the routine get a call back and all the others who could, get cut. Blows my mind sometimes and it’s better on those days to try and not analyse it too closely as it goes against all the things you were taught in your training. Sometimes the best advice is to remember that you just don’t know what they’re looking for and leave it at that, it may just be the colour of your eyes !!!
I try to take positives from each audition I do but at the end of the day unless you’ve been offered the job you can’t help feeling some sense of failure. I think that is only natural as a human being when you face rejection of any kind but as my agent friend Stuart says, “you just got to keep trying and believing in yourself and persevering!” but it can take some effort to keep going after a spell of rejections and it’s rare you get personal feedback to give you an insight as to where you could improve for next time.  You very often have to rely on your own assessment and judgement of how it went  or you may get some good positive comments from others auditioning that give you a boost!

I always presume that I’m being evaluated from the moment I walk in the door – my Bird training coming out again ! As you cross the floor, drop your bag against the wall, and start warming up, you're being observed. Timidity, anxiety, confidence, sweetness, arrogance, whatever, is communicated and even before dancing a step, an observant choreographer or director may already have a take on you.

I was always taught at college that I should go to an audition dressed to impress and to perform so I always go with full make-up and hair done and I choose my clothes very carefully. I think it says something about you as a person as well as a performer, that you have made the effort and feel it is important, as at the end of the day it is a job interview. It shows you care about getting the job and that you take the process seriously. Also from a personal point of view, I always feel good if I look good and I think if you feel good you perform better!! A first impression can be a lasting impression and the first impression a prospective employer gets of you is how you look when you walk through the door.

This audition was slightly different to the big open auditions I have done for cruise ships and west end shows where literally hundreds of hopefuls turn up. This audition was an invited few through our profiles on Spotlight so it was much more intimate but I still approached it the same way.  I made sure I was early and knew where I had to go. I researched the company and the director beforehand and made sure I knew something of their previous work and I presented myself how I’d been trained to.

Of course I wanted to be offered the job.

 I’ve felt strange, like something was missing the last few weeks and I think this is  a mixture of missing  the “rush” of performing and feeling I’m on the “going nowhere” express.  It has been 5 weeks since the Royal Caribbean audition when I was on such a high at my success but the anxiety of the waiting game for that cruise contract actually arriving is so debilitating in a strange way – it’s like you’ve been told you were successful after 3 hours of tough auditions against hundreds of other hopefuls  and  you’re on a real high but then the reality is you’ve got to wait for a vacancy to come up and for a casting  and that frustration  and  waiting around for the email is torture – it’s like you’re in a limbo land and you feel great one minute and empty the next and that sucks the energy from you. 

I think it’s also about adjusting to not having your day structured like when you’re at school and college –  it’s only 3 months since I graduated and I am used to college life - you know it’s ballet at 8.30am, jazz at 10.30, Drama at 12.30 and so on and so forth, every day,  5 days a week. Having a whole day in front of you with no structure to it is really strange. So just being in the game again felt good. It would be great to have some structure back to my day – learning lines/lyrics, warm up, rehearsal, performance !!!! Bring it on !!

So I travelled back to central London hoping I was going to get the job. I felt I’d done well and the most important thing was I’d really enjoyed it and I felt good about myself. It would be nice to have this job for Christmas to give me some focus and structure !!! 

The only niggle in the back of my head was the “androgynous” requirement as although I felt myself I had done the better audition, the other female there was in my opinion far more “androgynous”  in appearance  and body shape than I was and from experience before, I know casting can very often come down to a specific “look”.  I wondered on the way back to town if I should have made myself look  more “manly” or “boyish” in appearance, ie: laid off the make-up, maybe done my hair slightly different, but  whatever , I couldn’t have done anything about my shape. Perhaps that would be the deciding factor?   I was still confident I had impressed Simon from his body language so it was just wait and see again.

As an actress I was told at college my strengths are my comic timing, a strong voice and the ability to do a variety of different accents and act in roles that are older than my actual age.  I always seem to be cast as the villainess (Killer Queen – We Will Rock You) , the wicked queen (Evilene – The Wiz) , the clown or goof ball (Lambchops - Fame) which for a quiet introvert is a paradox really but I have never been looked upon as the sweet, innocent pretty princess type and I think I have to accept I never will be. My strength will be playing the evil stepmother or the villain. I think this will be my casting bracket but that’s ok, I think playing the baddy is much more fun. This particular role “Fag Hag” – one of the seven poofs – would be a comic challenge – they’re advertised as the most outrageous dwarfs ever seen in pantomime history!!!  I can only imagine what that means, but I think I can do “outrageous” quite well !!!

About 7pm that same evening Simon contacted me with the offer of the contract. I was of course really happy, it’s very exciting but also a little scary, but I also felt a kind of relief, as if at last something was happening. It also gives your confidence and self esteem a boost to know you’ve got the job.

I can’t wait to start working on it. My first west end role, even if it’s only fringe work how cool does that sound? It’s going to be such fun and how exciting to be in the west end ! At last something professional for my CV!!!  

What was so good to hear was the feedback from Simon who said he was really impressed with my audition and that he’d re thought the character of Fag Hag to develop around the way I’d played it at the audition – she’s now described as a “tango‘d”, “trashy, poor man’s Cheryl Cole with dodgy hair extensions, excruciatingly high heels and a broad Yorkshire accent who can down a pint or two. OMG, type cast !!!

This tells me I did a lot of right things in the audition and to remember that for next time. A casting director can change his mind, just by observing how you do something which may be totally different to how he first imagined it. He said he’d started imagining me in the role whilst first talking to me before the audition as he loves different accents and characters to make the piece more interesting. He’d originally thought of her as an Essex girl. The choreographer had enjoyed my Lady Gaga too which apparently will feature in the panto.

I was really pleased with myself.  I’d even thought of not applying for the role originally when I read the requirements in the advert because when I looked up the word “androgynous” I thought my body shape would let me down and I wouldn’t be considered suitable.

I printed my script and found out that I actually have quite a lot to do – I’m a soloist dancer as well as the poof called ‘Fag Hag’!  I can already tell that it’s going to be great fun and it’ll be a blast working with some of London’s top drag queens  - Snow White looks amazing ( I really can’t believe that’s a guy!!)  I know it’s going to be very camp – the lyrics to YMCA are hilarious! I was also really pleased Ashley was also cast as the poof , “Muscle Mary” and we will be working together a lot, we got on so well at the audition. There is one other female in the cast who is playing the role of “Butch Dyke”, the rest are guys or are they ?!

http://www.leicestersquaretheatre.com/lqt/show/S1264169028/Snow+White+%26+the+Seven+Poofs

Due to the content (it’s very ADULT!) none of my family will be able to come down to watch me as they all have children and it is rather unsuitable. My mum will come watch and decide whether it’s suitable for my dad !  I just have to hope lots of agents and casting directors will come along and watch and it may lead to something else, there’s lots of promo work to do as well during the run, but it’s a start and I’m working !!!!! Sheridan Smith, current star of Legally Blonde on the West End, is from my neck of the woods and it’s sort of a similar start to hers, she was spotted in fringe work !!
I mean even though this is Snow White and the Seven Poofs - it is art  - "Oh yes it is !!!"

References:
Reflective practices - A Reader compiled by Adesola Akinleye ( 2010)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learning_styles

MOON J (1999) Reflection in Learning and Professional Development: theory and practice London; Kogan Page 0-7494-2864-3